I’m not who I was when I started.
It’s a strange thing to return to something we did years ago. Expectations exist. Some that have no business in the current day. It’s a sad truth that everything is in a constant state of decay. Our bodies included.
I can remember when the dark days of winter on Lake Erie descended and the snow on the ground was thick, I would retreat into the practice rooms on the weekends. I didn’t have any money and didn’t really have anywhere to go. I was supposed to be practicing anyway, so I would pick a room and settle in for the day. The heat in those rooms came from ancient boilers that were either ON or OFF. There was no middle ground temperature. Those rooms were no place for a sweater or even long sleeves when the heat was ON. So I would settle in and get to work.
Guitar, piano, and sight singing for hours. The piano got the short end of the stick because I didn’t enjoy it, but I would still plunk out my assigned pieces as the day stretched on. I would, of course, get up and go to the drinking fountain or stretch my legs, but there were times when I was sitting with the guitar on my lap for two hours without even noticing it.
That was a long time ago.
The other day, I sat down to practice. I started with my arpeggios and then moved to my scales. C Major x4, a minor x4, G Major x4, e minor x4, D Major x4, b minor x4, A Major x4 and then I had to put my left arm down. The pain from left elbow made me wince and almost tear up. I sat with my arm to my side and stretched my fingers. The pain was severe. I got my arm back into position and it was better. Not great, but better.
The truth is that an hour of practice a day is about all I can do. I’m quite sad about this. Unreasonably so.
Returning to study the instrument came along with the assumption that I might work up to performing for a small group of friends. I was really hoping to take on some larger works. While that’s still possible, right now it feels like it’s going to be a massive challenge. Nothing is easy.
I’m still working my way through the pieces that I wanted to study again. I’ve added new ones. I’m very pleased with how most of those are coming along. But long practice sessions are off the table. I wonder how much that window of time I can play will shrink. Best to live in the moment.